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Bill Clinton Will Be Everywhere
by Thomas A. Droleskey
January 19, 2001

William Jefferson Clinton leaves the presidency on January 20. Far from letting that be the last we will see or hear from him for a while, the ultimate narcissist and egomaniac will not observe the unwritten code of former presidents. He will not disappear from public view in order to permit his successor a period of grace in which to establish himself and his new administration.

Oh, no. Bill Clinton will be everywhere. Everywhere. He will be a well-paid “talking head,” probably on Ted Turner’s Cable News Network. He has a standing offer to be the chancellor of Oxford University in England. At one time, rumors even had it that he was considering a run for mayor of New York or senator from his home state of Arkansas. He will be flittering about in the Hollywood crowd. He will be teaching courses at universities and law schools. He will be giving lectures before various groups. He will write articles galore. He will be everywhere. He will be more visible than his successor, whose every decision he will second-guess and seek to undermine.

Clinton will show up at baseball parks across the nation. I predict he’ll get himself to every single Major League baseball park within the first two years of his ex-presidency. He will do play-by-play broadcasting on both radio and TV for every team. He will show up at basketball and football games. He will serve on the boards of zads of corporations. He might even show up at parties in New York City where his former intern, Monica Lewinsky, has become a regularly invited and quite honored guest. He will be at the openings of movies. He will play himself in motion pictures and TV shows and advertisements. He will travel overseas to undermine George W. Bush’s foreign policy. He may even try to launch his own talk show opposite Rush Limbaugh. Clinton would relish the opportunity to tell off his critics on the air on a regular basis. Remember: in 1998 he blasted the ministers he tapped to “counsel” him once they started to tell him how he had to reform his life. He will be the busiest and most ubiquitous former office-holder in world history, outdoing even former New York Mayor Ed Koch, who holds down twelve different jobs (and appears in lots of TV commercials). Bill Clinton will be everywhere.

Ever the music aficionado, Bill Clinton will show up on those purveyors of music videos produced in Hell by Satan himself, MTV and VH-1. He’ll be a regular on the Black Entertainment Network (BET). He’ll host specials on the History Channel. Exploiting his good ol’ boy background, he’ll be a frequent guest on The Nashville Network and Country Music Television. He might even host all of the major award ceremonies — Oscars, Emmys, Tonys, Grammys — before he leaves this mortal life. And he would love to be asked to judge the Miss America and Miss Universe contests, both of which he will probably host at some point. Bill Clinton will be everywhere.

Bill Clinton will show up in foreign capitals on a regular basis, seeking the Nobel Prize for Peace that has eluded Jimmy Carter despite the 39th president’s incessant efforts to redeem his own utterly failed presidency by receiving that prize. He will be hailed by foreign crowds. He will engage in missions unauthorized by his successor to broker peace in the world’s hot spots, probably doing so under the auspices of the United Nations (whose secretary-general he may very well become in the not-too-distant future). He will compete with Carter and the Reverend Jesse Jackson for attention in the world’s trouble spots. Bill Clinton will be everywhere.

About the only place he won’t be appearing for a while, it seems, is on the letterhead of any law firm. His deal with independent counsel Robert Ray, announced January 19, lifts his ticket for five years. In return for that and a non-apologetic apology, Clinton doesn’t get indicted. But big deal if he had gotten indicted. On November 16 I e-mailed a friend — who was theorizing that Vice President Al Gore wanted to pull out all of the stops to win the presidency in order to provide Clinton with a pardon — to the effect that George W. Bush himself was likely to pardon Clinton if the latter was indicted upon leaving office. Bush would do so, I wrote, in the interests of “national unity,” hoping to score some points with the Democrats who will be busy delegitimizing his presidency. Bush would receive no credit for the pardon, but Clinton would accept it with glee, saying that he didn’t need it, would have liked to have rejected it, but accepted it in order to help the new president get on with the business of government. We won’t get to see all that played out now, but there’s no doubt that Bill Clinton is one of the few people with the capacity of making the receipt of a presidential pardon (which he could not refuse) to appear to be an act of generosity on his part by selflessly refusing to defend himself against unjust charges.

Clinton will be at the White House quite a lot. After all, devoted wife Hillary is now the junior U.S. senator from New York. She will be invited to White House dinners for foreign dignitaries. Bill will tag along in order to hog the spotlight. Bill Clinton will be everywhere, yes, even back at the White House — hoping all the while that he can move back in with Hillary if she is elected President in 2004 or 2008.

As we know, Bill Clinton is nothing if not shameless. The lives of scores of his friends have been destroyed. He has killed innocent human beings in foreign countries in order to deflect attention from various legal events as they unfolded in the Monica Lewinsky and impeachment sagas. He has promoted the killing of innocent children in this country and the world. He has helped to surrender national sovereignty and to undermine national security (especially as regards the Communist Chinese). He has appointed scores of positivists to every level of the federal judiciary. And he has championed and refined the practice of the politics of personal destruction to a state of sophistication that the late V.I. Lenin would have found truly ingenious. And you can ask Pete Rose to help you bet your bottom dollar that Clinton will use his visibility after he leaves office to continue promoting all of the policies he promoted during his presidency — and doing so in the same manner in which he conducted himself while he was in the White House. Enemies and critics will be vilified. Issues will be distorted. Reality itself will continue to be assaulted with the same sophistry that gave us, “It all depends what the meaning of is, is.”

Bill Clinton will be everywhere all the time. Although he will never have Blessed Padre Pio’s gift of bilocation, Bill Clinton will practice virtual bilocation by means of his omnipresence on our TV screens and CDs and CD-ROMs and books and articles. He will be everywhere.

Thus, while January 20 marks the end of the second term of the 42nd President of the United States, it will not mark the end of Bill Clinton’s public visibility. He is only 54 years old. He will be around for a loooong time. And don’t put it past him to sponsor an effort to repeal the 22nd Amendment to the Constitution, which limits a person to serving two full terms as president, especially if the Democrats recapture both houses of Congress in 2002 or 2004. He may very well live long enough to regain his favorite office. Don’t bet against it. Indeed, I can already hear him saying, “Well, gee. Ronald Reagan was elected when he was 69 years old. Why can’t I run again?” Clinton will be 69 in 2015, a year before the 2016 election.

What did the United States do to deserve this? It’s really quite simple: a plurality of voters in 1992 and 1996 elected a known liar, relativist, and narcissist to the presidency. And now we have to live with him and his ubiquitous presence for the next 30 years or so. Isn’t it a great country?

We must continue to pray for the conversion of William Jefferson Clinton and his wife. Saul of Tarsus converted. Bernard Nathanson converted. Bill Clinton’s conversion is not beyond the realm of possibility, and it is something we are duty-bound in charity and justice to try to bring about by means of our prayers, fasting, and sacrifices. However, grace builds on nature. Even if Clinton does, by the grace of God, come into the true Faith, he will still be Bill Clinton. He will thus have the propensity to go on TV incessantly to talk endlessly about his conversion.

Face it: Bill Clinton will be with us for years to come. He will be everywhere.

This column is distributed by the Griffin Internet Syndicate.
Copyright © 2001. All rights reserved.

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